I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
