you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
