my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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