i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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