Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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