: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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