Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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