Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
