Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
