The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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