I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
