I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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