I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
