sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
