Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
