This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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