you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
