oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
