Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
