I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize