so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
