I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
