Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
