Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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