haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
