Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
