ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
