Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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