I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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