I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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