So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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