did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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