she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
