4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
