This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
