After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
