Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can you bring me the toilet please
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize