It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
