i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
