Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
