marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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