Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
