Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize