my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
