angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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