Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
