I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
