...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
