I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
