this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
