Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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