i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
