I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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