i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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