the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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