normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
