just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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