id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
