I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
