I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
