I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
