I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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