I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize