12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
