I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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