Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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