why didn't you poke me back
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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