and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
