My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
