I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
