I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
