One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
