It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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