Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
