dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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