Got a toothbrush?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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