hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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