i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
