she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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