so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize