In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
