There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
