Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
