I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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