hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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