I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize