sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
