I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
