my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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