Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize