Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
