probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
