You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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