I'm laying in your front yard are you home
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
