we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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