Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
