1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
