you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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