is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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