I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
