Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
