did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
