Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
