it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
soo... how was my night?
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