the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize